Can’t even think of a single word to describe this past year… It’s been a year full of ups, and downs…

Pros:

• Maya Lilly was born!
• David John was born!
• Turned 20 - one year closer to being 21!!
• Ate at the Top of the Hub for the first time ever (for my birthday)!
• Went to Cancun <3
• Stayed overnight in New York City - right in Times Square <3
• Made Dean’s List
• Got straight A’s - both semesters!
• Two year anniversary with my Daniel! <33
• Got my first ever Michael Kors purse!! …. I sound so materialistic :/
• Wiz Khalifa Concert - Worcester Palladium
• Hot Night in Providence - Fabolous, Wiz Khalifa, Big Sean, and more..
• Mac Miller concert - Worcester Palladium
• Officially had my car for a year!
• So, so, many other great memories were made! :)

Cons:

• (con is an understatement for this one) My Uncle Eddie passed away - biggest heartbreak I have ever experienced; absolute most shocking news I have ever heard. I’ll never forget how I felt when I heard the news.
• My cousin, Dan, had heart surgery - although it was successful and he’s doing good now, it was one of the most stressful two weeks while he was in the hospital, plus the stress prior to the surgery.. I just wish he never needed the surgery..

I know I am probably forgetting so much for both of these lists but overall it is obvious that the number of things on the pros list exceeds the cons, however that means very little.  My uncle passing away outweighs everything, nothing could ever be so great that it relieves the pain.  2011 was the worst year ever because of it - I think that whenever I hear about 2011, that will always pop into my head.  My heart will forever ache. I can’t even put into words the pain I feel everyday, even though I have learned to accept it, and move on in some ways.

I try to find comfort in knowing my family and I have another guardian Angel watching over us, nevertheless my heart still aches, day after day.  I try to find comfort in knowing you are in a better place, but that doesn’t mean I wish you weren’t still here with us.  I try to hold back the tears, but there are times I find them falling down my cheeks.  I try to be strong, but at times I find that impossible.

So at my weakest times I look to God, to my family, my boyfriend, and most importantly, the memories.  I think about all the memories we have shared over the last 20 years, all the times we have laughed, all the times we have smiled. That’s where I find the most comfort; that’s when I can smile again; and that helps me be strong.

You will always live on through our memories.
I will always miss, and love you, Eddie-O. 

“I hear you say, in times of confusion and chaos and pain, im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame, I’m there through your heartache, I’m there in the storm. My love I will keep you by my power alone.  I don’t care where you’ve fallen, where you have been, I’ll never forsake you. My love never ends, it never ends..”

"Ask what people want most out of life and the answer is simple: To be happy. Maybe it’s this expectation though, the wanting to be happy, that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to states of bliss, the more confused we get. To the point where we don’t recognize ourselves. Instead, we just keep smiling, trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were. Until eventually, it hits us. It’s been there all along. Not in our dreams or hopes, but in the known. The comfortable, the familiar."